I came around to tear your little world apart

parakissgroupie @ 2005-06-04T14:53:00

2005-06-04T18:54:27Z

New journal.

www.livejournal.com/~mbouloukoue

Not updating this one anymore. Go there for more of my trite ramblings, bullshit, angst, and the occasional thing worth reading.

Plans

2005-05-31T21:34:16Z

So.....Thursday. Invader Zim marathon. Somewhere. Who wants to come along? We might be able to do my house if it's not too many people...

I'm assuming, so far, Lydia and Jon. Everyone else, consider yourself invited. We'll find someplace. Just let Jon or I know.

Part three in the "Steven likes to bitch about things" saga

2005-05-31T01:12:21Z

That was the weekend from Hell. I was paid for it, though. $90.

Now, I have to pay $40 on a phone bill, ~$20-30 on the SAT II, get a haircut ($8 at McFly's, though I hate going there). I owe Ted money even though he doesn't want me to pay him back. I have to pay $15 on June 17 if I want to keep playing World of Warcraft (may not happen), and I really want to go visit LE sometime in July or August. And I need to pay for my FM transmitter.

It's my own fault. I should just stop spending money on everything but what I need.

EDIT: I am in a horrible mood. I am angry, depressed, and self-loathing all at once. So, rather than be responsible, I'm going Thursday to go out to eat and go thrift-store shopping. Anyone who wants to come, you have been invited.

Yay for perpetuating my problems.

Fuck. No I'm not. I can't. I spent $20 on my mother a microphone. I can't afford the things for which I must pay, let alone going gallavanting and further blowing my money on shit.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-05-29T16:20:00

2005-05-29T20:22:37Z

In the vein of my previous entry.....

I hate the idea of being happy.

I hate knowing that I will never be happy.

I hate angsting like this.

One day I'll stop worrying about money. One day I'll stop fucking up. One day I'll stop hurting the ones around me. One day I'll make somebody proud. One day I'll finally fuck Cyndi.

She's getting louder...

parakissgroupie @ 2005-05-26T21:38:00

2005-05-27T01:39:50Z

I am in an absolutely wretched mood.

I hate feeling jealous.

I hate feeling fat.

I hate feeling useless.

I hate feeling like a burden.

And I hate feeling second-class.

Gah....I think I'm going to go play Resident Evil. Vent by killing zombies.

Change of Plans

2005-05-24T03:03:05Z

Okay. Plans have changed. I am not going to see Ted Leo & the Pharmacists next Thursday. Instead, I will go to the Spoon concert. Ted Leo is coming to Raleigh again in October, so I can see them then. This way, I'll get to see both. Also, Ted Leo is at a place where it's members and guests only. Out-of-towners can sign in as guests, but it still might pose a problem. This gives me a little while to purchase a membership.

The problem, though, is that Spoon is likely to be sold out. So, a friend up there who is going to the Spoon show offered to buy my ticket and I would pay him back.

If you would still like to come, feel free. I will give you the information for the club so that you can order a ticket either online or over the phone. But buying one in person is risky, and I'd hate for someone to drive all that way to not get in.

Let me know what you decide, though.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-05-23T01:25:00

2005-05-23T05:46:02Z

For each person on your LiveJournal friends' list, put a song that reminds you of him/her. (I omitted journals by someone already present)

chikarakazeno--Jay-Z + Linkin Park "Numb/Encore"

david_grana--The Transformers Theme Song

dragonshair--Fiona Apple "Sullen Girl"

dusksinger--Beth Hart "The LA Song"

gentou_kikai--Placebo "Pure Morning"

irasciblehermit--Eisley "Telescope Eyes"

jadier--Ted Leo & the Pharmacists "Timorous Me"

jellyfish_lace--KMDFM "Dogma"

kage_no_kaze--Juno Reactor "Guardian Angel"

lafjord--Ghetto Boyz "Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta"

niesen--Weezer "In the Garage"

orange_gurl2--I don't have one for you, Sheala. I don't know you well enough to use one.

razorbladegirl--Ginuwine (or is it Juvenile?) "Back That Ass Up"

rholmes2004--No Doubt "Marry Me"

sapphire16--Wheatus "Teenage Dirtbag"

tiffuchan--Dresden Dolls "Coin-Operated Boy"

usagicookies--Utena "Zettai Unmei Mokoshiroku"

xxnoirxx--The Shins "Mine's Not a High Horse"

You would kill for this, just a little bit...

2005-05-21T20:29:25Z

Ten random things about me:
1. I've lived in four houses since I moved to North Carolina, five if you count my dormitory.
2. I will never be satsified.
3. I am a super-geek.
4. I'm considering dropping out of college for financial reasons.
5. I hate being in charge.
6. I am both afraid of and enticed by the idea of being a domestic.
7. I can't bake worth shit, but I can cook over the stove quite well.
8. When I was two, a jumping spider jumped on my face. I panicked, my mother panicked worse, and my dad hit me when he was trying to get it off. I've been terrified of spiders ever since.
9. When I was in the eighth grade, I listened to mainly pop music. My friend Candice (whom I had a major crush on) liked mostly rock. So I forced myself to listen to primarily NIN, Limp Bizkit, and Korn. I stopped listening to all my old music, and convinced myself to like the rock music. I know listen to mainly indie-pop, post-rock and industrial, and like it along with dance-pop stuff. Garbage is the only band that I genuinely liked before and after eight grade. The human mind is powerful.
10. I used to be a die-hard biblethumper.

Nine ways to win my heart:
1. Play video games.
2. Be intelligent when you speak.
3. Talk, and be meaningful about it.
4. Debate, don't argue.
5. Laugh at everything you can. Especially me. I'm a dork. When I start making stupid comments during stupid cartoons, laugh at me.
6. Moderation.
7. Have your own ideas, and don't assume that because ours differ we are incompatible.
8. I will fuck up constantly. Let me know when I do it.
9. Be sweet.

Eight things I want to do before I die:
1. Publish something.
2. Live in Europe.
3. Be homeless.
4. Live in a shitty apartment in a shitty part of town in New York.
5. Write a love song.
6. Fall in love.
7. Fall out of love.
8. Have someone fall out of love with me.

Seven things I believe in:
1. God.
2. The Devil.
3. Bob.
4. The human soul.
5. An afterlife.
6. None of the above.
7. I do believe in Bob, though.

Six things that get me mad:
1. People who complain about problems but don't attempt to fix them.
2. My family.
3. Being volunteered.
4. Rude/ignornat/stupid sales/waitstaff.
5. Spawn campers
6. When I have to do my brother's housework.

Five things I'm afraid of:
1. Dying.
2. Living forever.
3. Spiders.
4. Accomplishing nothing.
5. Becoming complacent.

Four of my favorite things in my room:
1. My Playstation 2.
2. My movies.
3. My books.
4. My clothes.

Three things I do everyday:
1. Talk online.
2. Eat.
3. Use the word "fuck."

Two things I need to do right now:
1. Fold clothes.
2. Start dinner.

One person I want to see right now:
1. Ellie.

Anirtak is my idea-source! I steal left and right!

parakissgroupie @ 2005-05-20T00:42:00

2005-05-20T04:54:16Z

Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb are so fucking cynical and bitchy when not reading a script on X-play. It's quite amusing, watching their E3 coverage.

The PS3 controller looks like a boomerang, but the console itself is quite sexy. I'm excited.

I want news on the Revolution goddammit.

Preview of new Zelda. Ohemeffgee. There is a God, and he loves me.

Also, the people on my television just used "aggro" in conversation, and not just talking about the word. This makes me happy, though the next "WE GOIN' PIMP YO STEREO WIT DEEZ HAWT CHICKS YO DAWG" commercial I see will drive me to drink.

There is a Scarface game coming up. How interesting. Also a game where you vandalize shit. Like, that's the whole point. But it's by the guy who designed Ecko clothing. He claims it's about anarchy. How can someone who contributes to pop culture, consumerism, and capitalism be pro-anarchy?

There is going to be a 50 Cent videogame. The point is to kill white people. Or rather, white business people. Damn the man! Always bringin' we black fo'k down! Zora Neale Hurston 4 evar yoz!

It's kind of sad that even when I do "gangsta" I'm still nerdy. I am awesome.

Sobe commercials amuse me.

Guys in pink shirts with popped collars playing video games and talking about being hardcore gamers make me want to hurt things. Mainly people, but a few puppies. And babies. Lots and lots of babies. *stereotypes and kindergoths about*

The commercial is on again. A ho shakes her ass, and the car moves. Oh how I just love G4.

X-Play needs its own goddamn channel.

I have babbled on games for long enough! To God!

EDIT 1: OMFG QUAKE 4.

THEY STOPPED SHOWING QUAKE 4 FOR A FUCKING PLAYBOY MODEL WITH AN XBOX SKIN. GODDAMMIT I HATE G4.

Laura Foy, Morgan Webb, and Adam Sessler shall be spared. Laura Foy just told the model off. "This is about gamers, so let's talk to them and not to boobs." She makes me happy.

The other guy from Judgment Day can be saved as well. I don't remember his name, but it's not that Tommy jackass. Never have I seen someone who suffers more from Short Man Syndrome.

Kingdom Hearts 2 and Final Fantasy XII come out on the same fucking day. December 2, 2005. And it's one month exactly after the new Zelda game. Curses!

Legend of Zelda preview within the next hour omg i'm so exicted no caps or punctuation or anything i want game bad give krug game

EDIT 2: Link.....is a werewolf now? I confoosed.

Ewww, an IGN nerd is on TV.

EDIT 3: I refuse to pay money to see Star Wars just because I hate the "Sith Happens" slogan. Well, that and I'm just not interested in it.

There was something else I was gonna put here. I don't 'member it, though.

The people from IGN are funny, because they contradict themselves all the time. "Microsoft doesn't appeal to the gamer as much as Sony or Nintendo do. Microsoft caters to the real gamer because it allows for complete customization. The hardcore demographic is where Microsoft appeals most." Stupids.

I wish I could remember why I pushed the edit button.

I'm just like you so leave me alone

2005-05-16T02:48:28Z

I think I might need to go back on my Paxill. I've been incredibly manic depressive this past month or so, and it's really starting to catch up to me. I'm tired of being unpredictably angry/depressed and excited. I just wish my moods would stabilize on their own. I don't want to be dependant upon a drug to keep me functioning properly.

To Do List

2005-05-14T19:25:02Z

Things to do this summer:

Find employment
Read Atlas Shrugged
Reach higher levels in World of Warcraft
Spend time with friends
Make several trips to visit Brian
Make trips to visit Sarrin, Dale, Laura, and Will
Make several more trips to visit Brian
Stop gushing about Brian
Apply for scholarships
Resume taking the Paxill?
Murder not
Kill John
Brian

parakissgroupie @ 2005-05-03T23:16:00

2005-05-04T03:18:26Z

Three weeks and two days since it started.

Three days since most recent time together.

Missing a lot already.

Not sure if this is a good or bad sign.

Definitely a long summer ahead.

I love you?

Your face feigns fortitude in the forays of fuckabliity

2005-05-01T22:04:18Z

I'm tired of studying, so I stole a quiz from Katrina. Also, I had quite the amusing conversation with Jon, but I accidentally clicked the "X" before saving it. How sad. I wanted to post our word-based warfare.

Bold the ones you like, and add three. (Steven adds: See, I like a lot of these bands, but some I really like. So instead, I bolded what I really like, and just put "-"s by the ones I don't dislike. The fewer "-"s, the less I care for them)

My Chemical Romance
Taking Back Sunday
The Used
Muse
Nirvana (Proud to be Anti-Nirvana. Ask me sometime about why pop-culture fans who adore Kurt and hate Courtney are sexist. It's my own little "bull-dyke" rant, fueled in part by my constant ~~victim of plagiarism~~source of inspiration, my Anthellie)
Brand New
Thursday
--Green Day--
-Bright Eyes-
-The Cure-
Radiohead
Incubus
Weezer
Snow Patrol
--AFI--
--The Strokes--
Nine Inch Nails
AC/DC
Sex Pistols
The Ramones
Motion City Soundtrack
The Clash
Phantom Planet
Sugarcult
Lostprophets
The Postal Service
The Shins
The Walkmen
-Maroon 5-
Rooney
The Killers
Box Car Racer
From First To Last
Thrice
Hawthorne Heights
Coldplay
Senses Fail
Anti-Flag
Chevelle
Sum 41
-Blink 182-
Björk
Plain White T's
Death Cab for Cutie (stop recommending this goddamned band)
-The Vines-
Action Action
At The Drive-In
-Mars Volta-
-Interpol-
The Hives
Hot Hot Heat
Black Flag
The Arcade Fire
The White Stripes (hate the band, even though "7 Nation Army" is one of my much-loved songs)
-Modest Mouse-
UnderOath
-Audioslave-
The Stills
The Thrills
Doves
-Fall Out Boy-
The Bravery
The Kaiser Chiefs
Head Automatica
Pencey Prep
--Beastie Boys--
The Rasmus
Hellogoodbye
--Spoon--
-Queens of the Stone Age-
The Doors
Kings of Leon
The Starting Line
The Beatles
The Bled
Linkin Park
Deftones
Simple Plan
--Jet--
Franz Ferdinand
The Living End
Rancid
The Replacements
The Transplants
Yellowcard
Mest
NOFX
The Distillers
Alkaline Trio
The Adicts
Cursive
Straylight Run
The Moldy Peaches
John Mayer
Ozma
Rooster
Something Corporate
Coheed and Cambria
Múm (I really liked the two songs I've been sent so far)
Explosions in the Sky
Rice
Dresden Dolls
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Bellafea

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-25T23:43:00

2005-04-26T03:44:52Z

Livejournal ate my entry! I am irritated now! Not retyping things at the moment!

Grrrr.

Though, I'll say this: There is a Ted Leo & the Pharmacists concert and a Spoon concert on the same day at the same time, and I don't know which I'd rather attend. I like Ted Leo more than Spoon, but I do enjoy both. Help me decide, or I shall just follow Sarrin, Will, and whoever else attends to their choice. I'm nonconformist, just like all my friends.

You came in with the breeze on Sunday morning

2005-04-24T15:51:31Z

Interesting weekend so far. Hung out with Brian a little Friday night before he left for Boone. That was fun, as I hadn't seen him since the Friday before that. I felt all clingy and obxnosdfac. Or obnoxious, for those of you not "in the know" (i.e. all of you but Dale who may not remember). Kung Fu Hustle is playing here. I'll probably go see it next weekend sometime.

I played World of Warcraft a lot this weekend. Finally killed all those stupid goblins. First, I hunted down Supervisor Fitzprocket. After killing him, I systematically slaughtered all of his workers. Gained three levels from it, too. Bwahahaha. Stupid goblins. They're like Joos, only they fight back.

Saturday night was also interesting. We played badminton in the afternoon, and Laura decided that she wanted to be gay I guess. She kept doing the stereotypical gay man jump. It was annoying, so I called her a faggot. <3 There was pool afterwards, where we all got irritated with eachother (like the night before in Blockbuster, when we were all ready to kill), and so we decided to nap after that. Only, I'm the only one who slept. Laura slept for like, thirty minutes and Dale and Sarrin just played Halo. I slept in my room, then played more World of Warcraft until I became hungry. Returned to Dale's room, watched he and Sarrin play Halo, called Laura, who returned and then ordered the pizza for us. We ate, and watched the movie Shower. It's very interesting, to say the least. It's not a comedy, though, so if any of you thought it would be (because it looks like one), you have been informed of the truth. It's still good, though, and has a few humorous bits (what father tells his retarded son to look at something so he can beat him in a race?). We played chess after that, from midnight to 2:30 am. I still can't figure out if that's really cool, or really sad. We listened to Cake while playing though, which would make playing even Tiddlywinks cool (come to think of it, though....Tiddlywinks is awesome on its own).

Yeah. I'm babbling. It's almost noon Sunday morning, and I'm not sure why I'm awake. Babble babble babble. BABYLON.

Blargh. Hungry.

Also, I am trying to find out what is so endearing about Built to Spill. The singer's voice is irritating at best, terrible at worst. He can not sing. The lyrics are so emo it pains me. And not in an emotive "I feel you, dawg" way. In a "oh my god, shut the hell up" way.

But I like them. Subliminal messages? Or the fact that while the lyrics are emo, they're also really stupid-fun?

WEEZER. They remind me of Weezer. Only more emo.

*score* I figured it out...

Fifteen random songs with 'in my pants' added on to it.

1. System SF--Drop the Bomb...in my pants
2. The Killers--Somebody Told Me...in my pants
3. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs--Y Control...in my pants (YES. CHROMOSOMES. *geeks about*)
4. Saliva--Survival of the Sickest...in my pants
5. Garbage--Right Between the Eyes...in my pants
6. No Doubt--Sometimes...in my pants
7. Placebo--My Sweet Prince...in my pants
8. Eminem--Like Toy Soldiers...in my pants
9. No Doubt--Hey You...in my pants
10. Mindless Self Indulgence--M...in my pants
11. Le Tigre--On Guard...in my pants
12. Marilyn Manson--Slutgarden...in my pants
13. No Doubt--End of the World as we Know it...in my pants
14. Roxette--The Look...in my pants
15. Brand New--Okay, I Believe you, but my Tommy Gun Don't...in my pants

I forgot how random my music was. o_0

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-20T21:10:00

2005-04-21T01:10:33Z

http://pc.ign.com/articles/605/605088p1.html

Game Stop is buying out EB Games. This is sad? Why?

Because (typically) Game Stop is staffed by rather rude employees who know about (most) games.

EB Games, on the other hand, is (typically) staffed by really nice people who just don't know a lot about gaming, or have one specific console that they know about, and are ignorant to any other games.

So, I have a decision-making process. If I know exactly what I want, I go to EB Games. I'll get treated well, and won't need the opinion of the staff. However, if I'm wary at all of a game, I go to Game Stop. I can ask the staff questions, and while they will probably be rude, they'll tell me what I need to know.

Now, however, there will be transfers and such. Some of the Rude/Knowledgeable people will make it into EB Games, and some of the Nice/Ignorant/Specialized people will make it into Game Stop. But it will be random. I won't know who is where. So, my process of making decisions shall be destroyed. I'll just have to go to one, and hope for the best.

Or, they could just open up more motherfucking Babbages, who combine Courtesy and Intelligence into an orgasmically delicious salestaff. Plus, Babbages tends to hire more attractive employees. *stereotypes and prejudices about*

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-18T15:42:00

2005-04-18T19:45:32Z

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 92% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I
can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon
intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You
have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly!
Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 77% on Beginner
You scored higher than 36% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 91% on Advanced
You scored higher than 85% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating

I missed three the entire thing. Huzzah. Those being that I chose phenomena, "a while" (awhile and for a while sound strange to me), and I misinterpreted a question. Technically, you can both accept criticism (take it, deal with it, not get upset by it) and except criticism (omit it), so I chose "all of the above." Oh well.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-16T20:03:00

2005-04-17T00:07:22Z

I'm cold. I hate getting sick. I was up coughing all night last night, and I'm absolutely exhausted today. It doesn't help that myself and all my friends have an insane amount of work to do, and since we goofed off last night, we're all extremely busy today.

I hope it's just allergies, and I'm not getting anything. Though, I probably will be getting something. Just my luck, with exams right around the corner. And if I'm sick, I don't wanna spend time with people and make them sick too.

I love the Savage Man concept, I really do. But I can't agree with most of what Rousseau says about it. I can't accept that Savage Man was stupid, incapable of observation and language, and the like. He acts as if aliens came down to the planet and gave us the ability to socially evolve, that alone we were incapable of it. If that's true, how did it happen?

Maybe he'll explain it. I'm only halfway through the Discourse, after all.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-13T16:30:00

2005-04-13T20:40:29Z

I don't get offended by anti-gay sentiments. I don't. It's never bothered me what someone else thought of my actions.

But right now, I am offended.

http://www.alliancedefensefund.org/actions/Default.aspx?mid=410&cid=3308

"I am speaking the Truth to break the silence. I believe in equal treatment for all, and not special rights for a few. I believe in loving my neighbor, but part of that love means not condoning detrimental personal and social behavior. I believe that by boldly proclaiming the Truth, hurts will be halted, hearts will be healed, and lives will be saved."

You don't fucking condone our behaviour? Fine. But get the fuck over it. By telling us that we are wrong, that we are less, is not "equal treatment for all." I sympathize with you sometimes. I agree that when someone is punished for expressing an anti-homosexual view, that is wrong. We should all be able to present our views without consequence.

But telling me not that you think my lifestyle is wrong, but that it IS wrong? And then trying to evoke pity about it? And planning it to take place directly after the Day of Silence, which protests this kind of thinking? Which tries to make the point that we've been hurt? Which is trying to bridge the gap?

Fuck you. I hope you're right. I hope Christianity is the true path, and that when you die, you see the pearly gates. And then, I hope God appears and tells you that you're a great "Christian," but that you judged and condemned others. That you did things in His name which He did not condone.

And then, when I see you in Hell, I hope I get to be your punishment.

If someone comes into Panera tomorrow with one of these shirts, I will be fired.

EDIT: I'm calm now. I'm rational. I usually make it a point to never ever post something, or even talk about it, when I'm riled up like that. I never present myself well, and I come across as ignorant at best and stupid at worst.

I'm going to clarify. I do believe that everyone should be able to speak their own mind without negative consequences. If a person tells me that homosexuality is wrong, then I'm okay with that. It's what they believe.

My biggest problem with this event is that they talk about it as a counter to the Day of Silence. The Day of Silence does not promote homosexuality itself. It is a commemorative of the kids who got beat up at school for being gay, and when they complained, no one listened. It's because for quite a while, the "gay community" might as well have been silent, because no one listened to their cries.

The Day of Truth aims to counter the Day of Silence, but they say it's in honour of those who said "I think homosexuality is wrong" and were punished. Which I can understand, and agree with. It isn't fair to those people. But they speak of equality on the day. They talk about how they believe everyone should be treated the same way, none should have special priveleges. This is the same group that opposes gay marriage, and even civil unions. How can you say you want everyone to be treated equally, and then deny someone the right to visit his/her significant other in the hospital? It's hypocritical.

That's my main problem. I hope it's clearer now.

EDIT 2: Okay, upon another look, I want to make something else clear.

I think that the Day of Silence is a silly idea. Or rather, it is a good idea with a silly performance. Considering most of the people whom I know participate are really the ones I just want to shut up the rest of the time, it's not a very good protest. I know it's intent, it's reasons, all that. But I don't participate because I don't think it an effective protest tool. However, I can respect the intention of the day.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-11T23:50:00

2005-04-12T03:55:23Z

Tomorrow shall be quite the fun day. New Garbage album, finally. Another date-thing later on. Win!

And because I'm tired of all the questions regarding Sunday, I'm going to answer them here. The next one who asks me gets directed to my blog, unless it's in person. Then I get to gush and be all stupid-school-girl-esque in person.

It was quite nice. We had wonderful, if a tad overpriced food, and watched a rather interesting anime (because clearly, I am a dork), and then had sex.

Yes. Sex. On the first date. First time really meeting him. Not planned. At all.

No regrets, though. It was quite fun (all of it, not just the sex).

And hey, at least I got my daily source of protein.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-10T01:05:00

2005-04-10T05:09:22Z

So...Sunday. Get up just before 10:00 am. Go to work. Come back, change clothes, and start cleaning. Clean my room, clean my bathroom, take out trash everywhere....Just get it clean.

Then, I shall shower. Afterwards, I shall panic over a variety of things. What I should wear, what looks good, what makes me look bad, what kind of image I want to portray through my clothing, whether or not I should wear cologne..

Then I shall brush my teeth a hundred times and constantly put on my acne stuff, knowing good and damn well that my teeth will still not be as white as they should be and my face is still going to broken out. I'll panic over that, go into a period of self-loathing, consider calling the whole thing off.

And then I'll leave the room, meet him somewhere, and eat. Go see a movie or just come back and play games.

And all this while trying hard not to be jittery and giddy all day, especially at work.

I forgot how much work it took to date.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-07T23:34:00

2005-04-08T03:37:35Z

I've had my cry, and I'm strong again. Moment of weakness, and I'm a hypocrite for it. But I've come to a decision.

I have last-ditch efforts. I'm going to Carr at 8:00 am, and can possibly get a room while I'm there. Maybe Anna's friend will message me about rooming with him. If not, I have scholarships that I WILL apply for, maybe I'll get them. They'll make a difference, and I'll be able to afford an apartment somewhere.

If all else fails, I'll drop out. I'll work, and I'll go to Wayne for a year. Then I'll try to transfer back to Chapel Hill.

If none of that works, then my choices are to sell myself and be destroyed, or destroy myself. And I'll pull the trigger in my own mouth before I go to my knees.

I'm not done fighting yet.

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-07T22:40:00

2005-04-08T02:40:26Z

The Air Force Reserves....

parakissgroupie @ 2005-04-07T22:19:00

2005-04-08T02:21:18Z

Guess what everybody? I'm homeless next year! Yay for me! I get to spend my time now fighting with my mother over spending what isn't her goddamn money in the first place! All over getting an apartment somewhere, because UNC fucked us over bad.

Flabbergasted should be a default mood...

2005-04-07T01:49:45Z

So. Me. Date-esque thing. With guy. Bisexual. Cute. Gamer. Pothead. Don't know when. Never really done this before. Thomas doesn't count 'cause we didn't go anywhere.

Yeah. Huh?